Do you even lift?
by Speak Of No Evil
Summary: "I am the lion and John's lips are my gazelle prey." John insults Dave, Dave isn't happy and tries to prove him wrong but somehow ends up wanting to kiss him. (edited to fit story guidelines, non-edited can be found on my dA, ao3 and tumblr!)


"Christ, Egbert," I said, strain evident in my voice, "you're really heavy."

I'm trying to lift my best friend, John Egbert. I can't remember why I'm trying to lift him, I think John said something about me being weak... but that doesn't matter.

For how scrawny he seems, he's still pretty damn heavy.

"I'm not heavy, dude, you're just really weak," I frowned and try to pull him up again.

"I'm not weak! You just keep doing a thing where you're putting more weight on yourself somehow, if you weren't doing that I could totally lift you," I tried again, and failed once more. I can almost sort of lift him a little off the ground but John says that it doesn't count. What do I have to do? Grab one of his sides and just lift him over my head like a beast?

John snorted, "okay, now you're just making excuses, I don't think that's a thing that can even happen."

"Well, you're doing it. You're making it happen," I glared at him from behind your sunglasses, then realise that's a dumb idea because I'm wearing sunglasses so he can't even see my eyes, so I just scowl at him.

"Do you even lift?"

Oh. My. Fucking. _God_. Did he actually just say that? He looks so serious as well, oh wow. This is by far the greatest day of my teenage life. Totally going to tell Rose about this later.

I barely managed to blurt out, "Oh my God, did you actually just say that," before I started laughing really hard. Like, seriously. I almost pee'd myself.

I put my head on Johns' shoulder for some sort of balance, and John held onto my back for extra support, so I didn't fall on my ass.

I could feel his face heat up from his blushing, he mumbled, "shut up," then squeezed my sides. I squirmed because I'm pretty darn ticklish, and ended up burying my face into the crook of his neck. Eventually, I stopped laughing. John was still blushing like crazy though. I'd totally blackmail him with this later. I stood up again and shook my head.

"'Do you even lift?' God, John, of all the things you've ever said that is by far the best,"

"Shut up, asshole," he made an angry face at me, and wow, I have never realised how cute he is, am I getting kissing urges? I think I'm getting kissing urges. But I can't kiss him, he's my best friend so kissing him is a no-go area. Can't do it. Nope. Not today. Not ever. Stars aren't in line for this shit.

Okay but maybe a teensy weensy little smooch wouldn't hurt, right? Right. It wouldn't hurt anyone. I'd just laugh it off and John would too, and it'd be something we could both look back on and laugh about. A lot of laughing would come from it.

But then again, there's a possibility that it won't be weird and awkward, right? Right. John might kiss me again. John might be like 'yo, dude, I want to do this kissing stuff with you some more, want to go on a date or something and see if we can be totally rad boyfriends?' and then the we would be the most rad boyfriends everyone has ever seen. Everyone would look at us together and be like 'woah, guys, look! It's those rad boyfriends! They are so rad!" and a lot of radness would come from it.

Either way, I'm very conflicted and staring at John and he looks pretty concerned about me.

"Uh, dude? You okay? You're kinda... spaced the fuck out, and you look like you need a shit or something,"

Woah, okay, be cool, Strider. You can work through this, "yeah, man, I'm a-ok, just craving some smooch-uh I mean-_smoothies._" Nice recovery, man, "yep, can't get enough of smoothies" he's looking at me like I'm crazy, "hehehe... smoothies," I cleared my throat and I felt my face heating up. And he looks like he's about to laugh. This is great.

"Okay, wow, you're seriously a huge dork, you know that, right?" I am many things but a dork is not one of them. Okay, no, he's smiling. Like an actual, genuine, dorky, cute smile. His braces are even showing. Oh gosh, no. That's too cute. I really want to kiss him now. Kiss him right on his brace-y mouth. I chewed on my lip and begin weighing my options. Kissing him could either make him: 1. freak out, 2. make him laugh and think it's a joke, or 3. somehow trigger a mutual homo and then we will be in homo together.

Well, let's hope it's number 3 because I am going in for the kill. I am the lion and John's lips are my gazelle prey.

I quickly move in and kiss him. I stay there for, like, 6 seconds and pull away just as quickly. He doesn't seem to react at first, but my eyes are closed tight and I don't want to open them to see what his expression is.

Okay, well, I have to look. I've got this far. Might as well accept my inevitable fate of option number 1 and losing John as a friend and everything being awkward between us for the rest of time.

Cracking open an eye shows that John looks a bit bewildered. Not like, _angry_ bewildered, just _bewildered_ bewildered... yeah. Makes sense.

"Woah, man, uh," He let go of me and stepped away a little, "Okay, I'm not mad or anything, right? I'm just, y'know, a bit caught off guard. I mean, I'm not flat out rejecting you or anything!" is that a sense of hope I'm now feeling? Yes I believe it is, "but maybe we should, I dunno, talk about this? Like, maybe get some aj and have a dumb feelings talk. And if everything goes well maybe we could kiss some more then? If the talk goes well, that is."

"Yeah! Okay, sure, let's get aj and talk about things, that's a great idea."

Yes, okay, he's not freaking out or anything but he's still not sure about any kind of mutual feelings but there's a chance. A small chance of us being best boyfriends, and a small chance is better than none. Plus, free apple juice.

Let's just hope that the talk goes well because I kind of sort of maybe want to kiss him more. Just a little.

And then I remembered how this all started.

"I'm not weak, Egbert."

"Pff, yeah, sure, Dave. Whatever you say, dude."


End file.
